I had something else I was logging in here to blog about…but it kind went out the window when I happened to notice today’s writing prompt from WordPress:
“Tell us how your week went by putting together a playlist of five songs that represent it.”
I’m such a sucker for posts like this!
Here, for example, is another music-list-type prompt I previously followed. And then this is one I did, just because. Then there’s the 2014 new year, where I even did a whole series of life/music posts – culminating in this one.
Music just makes a very convenient framework for looking at periods of my life, I suppose. (And it’s fun to make playlists!)
This actually is sort of an interesting week to analyze with a musical framework, though. Not that anything has really happened this week. It’s more about the moment and what that means to me.
In a nutshell: my ambitions are quite gigantic right now! This isn’t exactly a new state of things – but what is new is that I’ve actually (suddenly, somehow) reached a point where my dreams for how I want to live my life and how I want to fill my days don’t feel so “dreamy.” They feel more tangible…more reachable. I’ve reached a place now, I guess, where it’s clear to me how to work practically toward them – to work toward specific results, not just some fuzzy distant “someday” place. And I’m doing that. And “someday” suddenly doesn’t seem that far away.
It’s not a sudden thing, really. I can look back and see that I’ve been moving toward this moment in time for a few years now – and quite specifically for the last year or year-and-a-half. Fall of 2013 marked a creative watershed period of sorts for me – and since then, it’s been about putting one foot in front of the other and moving along. It’s been about working and honing and trying things.
And if you do that for long enough – take those baby steps – you do eventually get someplace! I suppose I knew that theoretically before – but I’m actually experiencing it now. And it’s pretty interesting!
I’ve been realizing that this week – that that’s where I’m at.
I mean, I’m not at my destination yet. I don’t even really know where that is exactly. It’s blurry yet. But that’s okay. I know that I’m closer – to whatever it is. Much closer than I was before. I feel that.
I have to say, it’s both amazing and intimidating to know that what you want is there for the taking…but not quite in your reach yet. And that no matter how hard you work or how much you might want it, there aren’t any guarantees you’ll be able to have it. You have ambition…drive…determination. And you have your belief in yourself and your own vision – hard won belief, which is a solid thing. But that’s all you’ve got.
And the question marks really loom when it’s 2AM, and you’re lying there by yourself, staring at the ceiling.
That’s what this week has been about for me: recognizing where I am…acknowledging it…and becoming fully cognizant of this determination I have to make things happen.
And then the 2AM counterbalance, where I doubt myself and wake up with my eye twitching and my stomach in knots.
Music becomes especially important in a week like this week has been. It’s a company through the daytime…and it’s comfort in the night.
So this prompt had me combing back through my music this week, trying to determine what I’ve listened to most.
The result was at first unexpected. None of these five songs (the most played songs of my week) at first listen have anything much directly to do with where I’m actually at in life right now – but then I realized that emotionally they do, all of them. As a group, each is full of longing…and simultaneously a determination to harness life, to figure it out, to find a way to move forward into it.
I guess there’s a reason these resonated with me this week – though I wasn’t consciously choosing them for any reason deeper than that they sounded good in the moment.
That’s interesting to me.
It occurs to me that if I just blogged my most-listened-to song every single day – just a song, no explanatory note – it’d probably end up being a pretty accurate log of my life – at least, of my emotional life. That’s an interesting future project to consider!
Anyway, here it is – the 5-song soundtrack of my week (comprised of the five most-played songs of my week.)